COWBOY BADASS IN BLACK

I believe I am a cowboy. In local colloquialism, a "koboy."

But according to astrology.com my past lives were mostly lived in medieval Europe. So I was a medieval cowboy. Okay, there were no cowboys then, guess I was a cowherder then. At worst I was a milkmaid, immune to small pox and harassed by the local boys.

My friend Aivie keeps insisting that I could not have been a lord of the land, or nobility because I am just too crass for that station in life. Okay...

Listening to Sympathy for the Devil by the Stones and remembering Tom Cruise in Interview with a Vampire, makes me think yeah. I don't have the mettle to be a member of nobility or the ruling class during my past lives. Nope.

I am never going to allow myself to have been a pansy dressed like a fop and all those frilly things. If I did, I'd invent a time machine so I can go back in time and kick my own teeth in!

I am a cowboy, fine! Not in Texas or Montana, I guess in Ireland then, or Scotland, or Shetland. But I am a cowboy! Salt of the land! Wearing the same set of dirty clothes throughout my whole life. Horrible dental hygeine and that, but I will not be a silly frilly-ass noble piece o crap. No sir.

No lace for me, unless its around that country lass' britches, and its rubbing me just right as I shag the wench for all her worth. Or its on that princess' sleeve as she asks her shepherd boy if this is the right way to hold a field staff.

I'm a cowboy. Ride 'em hard, ride 'em fast!